People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
