i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
