my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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