How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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