News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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