She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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