I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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