Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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