can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
