I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
