Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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