They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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