you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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