i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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