ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
