That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You pole danced in your parka.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
