You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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