i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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