I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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