Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
