I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
