Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
