When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
