I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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