yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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