I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We got so high we made milksteak
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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