Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
