I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
