The best revenge is premature balding
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
