Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
high people should be assigned attendants
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
