As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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