Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
