no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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