He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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