he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
whose parrot is this?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Randomize
