i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
