its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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