Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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