Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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