That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
