I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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