I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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