I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
