Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
