he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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