did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
