He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
