I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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