Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
