Soap is not a condiment
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
