Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
