she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize