When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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