i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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