Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
