TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
