And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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