No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
