just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
