I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
