she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
