He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
