No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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