phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
