He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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