margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
