At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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