I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
