nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
