we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
