??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
