I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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