I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
