mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we made out on top of his cat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
