I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
