shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
